Why I went to the movies alone on Mother’s Day

For about two weeks leading up to Mother’s Day all I wanted to do was go to the movie theater by myself and see A Wrinkle in Time. Why I couldn’t tell you, but there was something pulling me, telling me to go. I have never been to the movie theater by myself and I never read the book, A Wrinkle in Time, and I have no idea what it’s about but I wanted to see it. Maybe it’s because I’ve really been into Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast and she interviewed Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling, who starred in the movie with her. This was months ago, but it just stuck with me.

No matter the reason I finally got the guts to tell my husband what I wanted for Mother’s Day. Yes, it took guts to tell him because to me this request was a little odd and definitely out of character for me. Honestly when I told him the Saturday night before he of course said ok, he’s so understanding, but he did kind of laugh of me and I won’t lie I got a little offended which caused me to get defensive and mad at him for not being nicer about his response. A little petty, yes, but this was hard for me to ask and that wasn’t the response I was hoping for from him. Either way it was fine and I brushed it off because getting into a fight about his reaction to my Mother’s Day request was so not worth the aggravation.

Sunday comes around and we pile in the car to my parents for breakfast and it was lovely, we laughed, the kids played with their cousins and we heard all about my parent’s trip to Sedona and the basketball my 37 year old brother won out of the claw machine at their trip to the indoor water park and how other kids were asking him for tips to get stuff out of the machine and he refused to share with them (hahahahaha I love him!).

Oh, but I should share that before all this we had what my husband dubbed as the “Mother’s Day Massacre of 2018” in our own home. This happens every time we are in a hurry to go somewhere, the kids need something and my husband and I are trying to just simply get ourselves together, but stopping every 5 seconds because someone is hungry, someone pooped their pants (why won’t my 3 year old learn to use the potty), and it goes on and on. I’ll yadda yadda my way through this one like a good Seinfeld fan and just say that it ended with my 5 year old on the kitchen floor with his jacket thrown in his face and my 3 year screaming his head off while I put on his shoes. #momlife #happymothersday

So after that fiasco, apologizing from me for being too rough, but also requesting apologizes from the kids for not listening (I mean they are old enough to get their own coats and shoes for crying out loud!) we made it out the door.

I love going to my parents for breakfast because it means were home in the early afternoon and still have most of our Sunday to ourselves. For me this meant getting to the movie on time. I was super hesitant about going by myself and even caught myself trying to get out of it and without realizing I wanted until the last minute to leave. I knew I wanted to do it and I was going to but it was going to take me ignoring the doubts to do it. Sounds silly now, but at the time it was weird.

I do it, I show up the movie buy a single ticket, go in and get a large popcorn and a soda. I rarely drink soda, but this was a special occasion. Plus they have those cool touchscreens where you can get whatever you want, so cherry vanilla coke it was for me! I walked in wondering if I would run into anyone I know, but instead of looking around I went right for a seat without anyone in front of me so I could leisurely put my feet up and enjoy the show.

As soon as I sat down I realized I had done exactly as I was supposed to because I felt so relaxed, so comfortable and so excited to see a movie by myself without anyone else. Why haven’t I done this before? What was I so afraid of? It no longer mattered that my husband didn’t give me the response I was looking for or it be truthful, the reassurance I needed because I was doing something outside of my comfort zone (I understand now that that’s actually what I was doing.)

The movie was awesome and well Oprah’s voice is just amazing! Probably the reason I love her podcast, I mean besides all the awesome interviews she does too!

Mother’s Day 2018 was perfect! Even with the rocky start, it was perfect and you know what that’s because life isn’t perfect and neither are we. There were laughs with family, memories made and shared together, quiet moments at home, and stepping out of my comfort zone was easier than expected and very rewarding!!!

Mother’s Day isn’t always a day to celebrate.

For so many Mother’s Day is a joyful celebration. For me it’s a time to celebrate being so blessed to be a mom myself, to be grateful for the two little boys (and the fur baby of course) that are in my life. A reminder to be grateful that I’m so lucky to have my own mother and my mother-in-law in my life. In my short time as a mom I’ve really looked forward to Mother’s Day, but a few years ago that was not the case at all.

I was actually pregnant on my first Mother’s Day, but I refused to celebrate. I told my husband that I didn’t want any gifts, cards or even to say the words Happy Mother’s Day to me. Sounds ironic and slightly selfish considering many other people’s circumstances, but this is my story so I’m going to be real and tell you how I felt at the time.

Earlier that year I had a miscarriage and it was devastating to say the least. Luckily after the miscarriage we got pregnant fairly quickly and on that day in May we were still too early to tell people and being pregnant after a miscarriage is scary. It’s filled with worry and doubt that it will happen again so it’s hard to celebrate.

I watched on social media as my friends and family shouted out to their mom’s and showed pictures of their babies, while I sat with my own inner turmoil that I still might not be able to celebrate Mother’s Day the following year, and slightly angry that I couldn’t even celebrate the baby I had growing inside me because of my own fear.

So for others though, this day is a sad one. A one filled with only memories of their mom that has passed away, or of children that they have lost. For some it’s the yearning for the child they want so badly. While we celebrate and rejoice, they retreat and hide away.

For those not celebrating Mother’s Day for whatever reason please know you are in my prayers today and always! For those celebrating please take a moment to think of those who wished they were celebrating, or wished their own mom was there to celebrate with, or like me, they are too scared to celebrate.

I love you and I thank you for taking the time to read my story.