Network marketing gets a bad rap. One that for a long time I believed in as well. That is until I joined a company with a product I believed in and wanted to share to people.

The big lesson I’m learning is that it’s not for everyone!

Network marketing, multi-level marketing, direct sales, whatever you call it has a place in our world and for many people, the ones willing to do the work, it provides them with a sustainable and profitable career. It allows you to work from home, create your own schedule, provide a passive residual income and your success is based on your effort.

All sounds great right? Then why do so many people have such a negative reaction to this model of business?

Most likely because they’ve had a poor experience. Either they are bombarded by friends asking them to buy their products or host a party, or they signed up with difference expectations and realized it wasn’t as easy as they thought. Or, you feel like everyone you know is part of a MLM and all you see on Facebook is posts about their products. I may have blocked a few people because I was annoyed by their endless posting of the same thing over and over again. I was also asked repeatedly to join a certain business from one person and each time I said no she would reach out again anyway. This same person also reached out to a friend of mine that she doesn’t even know and sent her a message asking her to join her mom’s challenge. That’s not the worst of it…my friend isn’t a mom!!! I was infuriated when I found that out! At least do some research before just contacting people you don’t know!!!

Because of this negative experience I avoided any idea presented to me about joining any network marketing business. Yes, I supported my friends in their endeavors for various businesses but that’s as far as I went.

My Introduction to Network Marketing

I was eventually introduced to a product that me and my family were in need of. This wasn’t a bag or nail wraps or make-up (all of which I purchased and still use some of these products), it is whole food nutrition. My kids and I just got over being sick for pretty much an entire month and I would have done anything to keep us healthy. When I heard a pediatrician talk about balancing the immune system my ears perked up immediately. I had a problem and this product was my solution.

I got the products, but once again I avoided the business. Then once we started seeing our own results and I continued to learn more about the products and the company, I shared it with a friend of mine. It was scary to do that because I knew it was network marketing and I wasn’t even a part of the business yet. I immediately referred my friend to the person who shared it with me. Yet, again avoiding the business. I was happy to give referrals but didn’t want to get involved.

I don’t recall how it all happened next but I did eventually sign up for the business with no intentions of really “working” it. I saw that I could get commission on our products and if I have a few friends order than there’s a little extra cash for me.

During all of this time my desire to have my own business and be an entrepreneur kept pulling at me. I had been working with a business coach to build a fitness/running coaching business, but it wasn’t sitting right with me. I eventually dropped the business and the coach but still wanted something more.

I then turned to my network marketing company and explained to those above me my concerns. Out of options I decided to jump into it and a few months later attended my first conference.

That conference opened my eyes wide to all the possibilities this business can offer. Over 7,000 people in one room all coming together for the same mission and supporting each other along the way blew my mind!

Then came the connections with the others on my team. People I never met in person but had been talking to and seen on video chats became immediate friends. It was as though we’ve always known each other.

At that conference I decided to stick with it and at the time I was going all in. I saw women and men changing their lives and their family’s lives through financial freedom and time freedom. Wives working hard to reach the top level and earn health benefits so their husbands could retire early. Husbands and wives working together in this business showing their children the possibilities! I saw recent college grads create a stable income right out of the gate avoiding the corporate world all together.

So many stories of inspiration and hope!!! I drank the kool-aid and I mean all of it….chugged it down!!!! LOL

What’s next for me in network marketing

Finally the New Year comes and I really start diving into personal development and begin seeing myself walking away from my full-time job. What I was doing was still unclear to me, and because of that I leaned into the network marketing business but for some reason it wasn’t fully resonating with me.

I was being pulled in another direction, yet I still didn’t want to let go of network marketing.

Skipping a few months ahead and lots of drama, I did eventually quit my job and started my own consulting business. Long story here but a feeling in my gut is telling me to start my own business, something that’s just mine. So I did!

Now the big question has been what to do with my network marketing business?

I don’t want to let it go, and I know having more than one source of income is a smart decision. Can I do both???

For sometime I didn’t think I could and I was struggling with what to do. As I write this I’m on the train leaving a conference for this company. A conference I debated not going to because I’m not sure where this business is going for me.

But I paid and there was still a pull for me to go. Through the hesitation I went and boy am I glad I did!!! I got inspired again!!

I realized that over the last few weeks I’ve been over complicating things. I’ve been thinking too much of the to-do list and how I’ll never get it done. Instead I need to change my mindset to figure out what I can do with the time I have available. It doesn’t have to take me hours to work on my network marketing business while also growing my consulting business. I can do both!!

It’s about working smarter not harder!!!

I am going to be kind to myself, and celebratig the small wins.

I will take inspired action.

I will share authentically and with passion.

I will not compare myself to others. This is my journey no one else’s.

I will be a leader who leads with passion and purpose.

This is my story and everyone’s story is different.

I started my consulting business for a reason and I continue to stay with my network marketing business for a reason. Wherever they both lead me is unforseen right now, but I am living in the present and doing what feels good right now.

I’m finally ready to lose the weight!!!

Three years ago my second son was born and ever since I have been stuck at the same weight. Unable to shake this last little bit. For most of my life I’ve gone between 125lbs and 135lbs, spending my 20s in that 130-135 range. For reference I’m 5’1” (5’2” according to my license though, lol) and have always been super active. I played sports year round through college, I danced and after college continued to crave movement.

I also grew up without a scale in my home (thank you mom and dad!) so I never knew what I weighed and I also never really cared. It wasn’t something we talked about in our family and since I was always so active I was thin my whole life. I also love to eat and never was even tempted to try and control my food intake. Seriously, I gave up chocolate one Lent and on Easter morning I got a basket of chocolate and my husband told me to never do that again, hahahaha.

This isn’t to say I was super confident about my body, but it is to say that I wouldn’t spend a whole lot of time worrying about it.

Because of all this even the thought of saying “I’m going to lose 20lbs” sounds ridiculous. Yet, for some reason it’s helping me get my motivation. I may not lose 20lbs, and I’m not even going to focus on the number, but I’m finally ready to step up my game a bit. Plus my husband and I are going on a hiking trip in a few weeks and I want to be prepared as much as I can.

If it’s not about the number, why in the world am I even writing this blog?

I’m doing it because over the last three years I haven’t been ready to push myself physically. In the past 8 months I backed off exercise on purpose. I was at a crossroads in my life and even though I was working out my body wasn’t responding. My morning exercise time turned it into meditation and journaling instead. I went from working out 4-5 times a week to 2 at the most. I went from running and high cardio to only Barre3 on the weekends.

Taking that time for me to get clear in my head is what propelled me to make these recent major shifts in my life such as leaving my full-time job to pursue entrepreneurship. Not only did I make this decision, but I made it with faith and confidence.

I’m still meditating and journaling but I got the itch to start moving my body with more high intensity workouts. Breaking a sweat, jumping high, breathing heavy….yup that’s what I need right now. I actually forgot how good those kinds of workouts can make me feel.

Why 20lbs?

Well I went to the doctor recently and the scale read 150lbs, which I wasn’t surprised at because that’s where I’ve been at the last three years.

It’s not about the number, but that number gives me a goal. Whether I reach that number or not is honestly irrelevant.

Instead I will be looking at how my clothes fit, my muscle tone and how I feel. The number is more symbolic than anything.

As I write this I wonder if I’m even explaining it clearly, but in my head it makes sense so I’m going with it!!

FYI – You won’t see progress pictures either because I’m not totally comfortable with them. This is a journey for me and for me alone. Yes I’m sharing my story, but not for the congratulations or the “you look great comments”. I am beautiful the way I look now and no offense I don’t need anyone else to tell me that!! This weight loss journey is about moving my body in a way that makes me feel happy. It’s about being in a clear head space where I can focus more on my body. It’s about being comfortable in my skin and being strong of course…always about being strong!!

Yes, it’s true I gave up about half our family’s income to follow my dreams of being an entrepreneur.

Was it scary? Absolutely!

But you know what, it was the right time. I have done so much work on myself, read books and listened to podcasts about abundance that I know we’ll be better than fine. We’ll be better than we were when I was working full-time. We are going to thrive and be able to do all the things that come with living a financially free life.

How do I know this? Because I do and I trust.

We all have a money story that guides our actions and our thoughts when it comes to our finances. Whether it’s a constant story of debt, taking out loans, never having enough, living paycheck to paycheck, anger towards those who do have money, wondering why you can never catch a break and always blaming someone else for your misfortune.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? I bet a few of them do because many are things I used to say to myself. I still find myself falling into these traps, but I’m recognizing now when I am and working to change my own money story.

Yes, I took a huge risk just cutting off half of our income and so did my husband. He has supported me in all my endeavors and this one is definitely the most risky, but it also has the most opportunity.

I’m starting this new chapter into entrepreneurship with one client and that one client is giving me the win I need to get started, to realize for myself and for others that this lifestyle is not just doable, but even better than working for someone else.

As much as it started with a win, it also started with me entering into fear.

Today is Friday, and just one-week ago I packed up my office and left work for the last time. On Monday I was updating our budget and realized that even with this one client we are in the red by a few hundred dollars and that’s before we spend any money on extras outside of our regular bills. While I’m trying to live in this place of abundance, it is difficult. I spent earlier this week enjoying being home, but also struggling with how to live in abundance but looking at a budget that was in the red.

I went into my tool box and started with simply thinking positively, saying to myself that everything will be ok. I tried to visualize paying off the credit card bill I accumulated paying ahead for things like doctors appointments and a business coach. Even with these tools I was still holding onto this fear of “What have I done? This has to work out.” I could feel myself panicking, not outwardly, but in my gut I could feel myself tensing up being super nervous.

Then on Tuesday morning I did some journaling and just wrote out what I was feeling and let the words just flow. I allowed myself to sit in the fear, to recognize and not push it away. It helped, but I was still struggling with how do I live in abundance but also look at a budget and know there are things we can’t do because the money isn’t there yet.

I brought this up to my business coach and she told me to rephrase the “I can’t afford” with “This isn’t a priority right now.” Hmmmmm…..ok I think I can try that. I continued to sit with that and went back to visualization of really being in the moment of being financially free.

On Wednesday morning I was doing my visualization again and found myself clenching my hands over my chest. I had just listened to a podcast by Dan Mason on money myths and his last tip was about letting go. Then the instant I realized I was clenching I realized I wasn’t letting go. I wasn’t giving up my fear, I was holding onto it instead.

With my eyes closed I released my hands and held them out in front of me with my palms facing away from me. I felt this energy flow through my body and out my hands. It was me releasing my fear, taking my intention of being financially free and sending it out into the world. What I want is not in my control. I must release it to the world and take the small action steps to get there without worrying about the how or the when, but trusting that it will happen.

This is manifestation, and I did this exact thing a few months ago when I found myself holding on so tightly to the idea of leaving work in May to be an entrepreneur and getting my summer with my boys. I kept wondering how to make it possible, but finally I remember just giving up saying to myself “this might not happen as I want, and that’s ok.” Then I went about my life as if it weren’t going to happen and just kept making small steps forward.

Then all of these things started to happen in my life that led me to leaving work, and now here I am home with my boys enjoying our summer together. If I did it then, then I can do it now.

Elsa had it right, it’s time to let it go!!!

Holding back tears in a public place because you don’t want people to know your upset, or ask questions.

Really excited about something and just want to scream and dance but can’t because people will think you’re crazy.

Super angry at your spouse but just give them the evil eye because you can’t have an argument in public for fear of what others will think.

Seeing a theme here?

Showing emotions in public is something we fear. We worry about what other people will think. Whether we’re sad, happy or angry we don’t want to show it. Then when we see someone who is showing strong emotions in public we ignore or walk away.

Why is this? Why is showing emotion so shameful?

The other day something happened that I was clearly upset about it in a public place. It was nearly impossible to hide it, but I definitely tried. I was embarrassed to be so upset over this thing. I’m learning that feeling these emotions and expressing them is good for you. There I was at a crossroads of wanting to just run away to my car and cry, but also wanting to sit with these emotions.

To be more specific I was at my Barre3 studio, and was auditioning to be an instructor….again. This was my last shot to get it right and start training to be certified at the end of July. Unfortunately I was just not ready. This is something I truly want and something I know I can do, but more than that it’s something I feel I’m meant to do. When it didn’t go the way I was expecting I was disappointed in myself.

What happened? What am I doing wrong? Can I fix this? Will this ever happen for me?

I auditioned right before a class I was planning to attend, and I was torn on whether I should stay for class or get out of there. I opted to stay because being in that studio just makes me feel good. It’s a place where I can work out my body, but also get clarity within my mind. This is likely why I want to be an instructor so badly, because I want to help others feel the way I do when I’m in class. Swollen and red eyes, I decided to stay because I knew it would help me feel better.

I was ashamed of being so upset and wanted to put on a strong face that I’d be fine. It was a full class so there were a lot of women walking around. Out of the few women who I ran into before class while sitting in the bathroom or while I was in the studio before class texting my husband and friends, only one woman asked me if I was ok.
Yes, I was embarrassed and didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I appreciated her acknowledgement so much. I kind of wanted to explain myself, but all I could say was “I’m not ok, but I will be. Thank you for asking.”

Then I wondered if I would have said something if I saw a stranger visibly upset before class. Would I have the courage to ask if they were ok?

As much as I’d like to think I would, I honestly think I would have ignored her. Talk about disappointment in myself! Just a few words can be so much to someone and I would have been so uncomfortable in that situation that I wouldn’t have said anything. Geez!!!

How do we change this about our society?

How do we embrace our own emotions?

How do we let others know it’s ok to show emotions?

Unfortunately I don’t have the answer because this is something I’m clearly working on.

I’m starting with myself, with being ok to show my own emotions. It’s also something I am strongly trying to teach my boys. At the ages of 5 and 3 they have very strong emotions and I don’t want to hinder them from showing them at all. I let them cry, I let them yell and get angry.

Especially because I’m raising boys I want them to know it’s ok to cry and it’s not something to be shameful about. I also want them to be comfortable around others when they are upset. When someone is upset in our house we work on first asking if they are ok, then asking what we can do to make it better.

I saw this just today as my 3 year old got hurt and my 5 year old came over and asked if he was ok. Then we all sat on the floor and my 5 year old put his hand on his little brother’s back and rubbed it. Then he said he wanted to be silly to make his little brother happy. If my heart could have exploded with joy it would have right there!

Let’s not hide our emotions, let’s feel them in all their ugliness and all their joy! Don’t hide, don’t run away, don’t scroll on your phone to numb the pain. Feel it, embrace it and then learn from it!

When you see others showing emotion in public whether they are adults or children, give them a smile, ask them if they are ok and acknowledge their emotion. I was appreciate that someone asked if I was ok, I didn’t give her my life story or say what was wrong, but even though I was embarrassed I was thankful that she asked me.

Traveling for work is something I did a handful of times throughout the year. Typically lasting no more than 24 hours but requiring an overnight stay. Today as I sit in my hotel room after my final trip for work it feels funny. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something in me feels different.

In about 3 weeks I’ll be leaving my full-time job to pursue entrepreneurship. I couldn’t be more excited to take on this next adventure, but there is a definite sadness with this final trip. As I did the 3 hour drive here I started to get flutters in my stomach thinking about how I won’t do this again. I’m trying to put into words how I feel, but it’s truly really difficult to do right now.

I’m leaving a job I overall enjoyed, one that gave me meaning and purpose. Years ago as a new college graduate I knew deep down that I would be back at my alma mater. So to be able to serve the alumni for past 4 years has been not only an honor and a privilege, but a dream come true.

Then when I think about the time I’ll be getting back in my life, I know I’m making the right decision. Even though this change feels so right it doesn’t come without a lot of emotion. I want to lean into this emotion, to feel all the feelings and really enjoy the last few weeks in this position.

When I gave my notice a few weeks it was surreal to think about taking on entrepreneurship. I thought a lot about the future, and what’s coming up next. Now that the end is coming up and the last time for things is happening, I’m reflecting back on the last 4 years. I want to reflect, I want to remember and yes I want to cry. It’s going to be sad walking out the door of my building, and driving off campus for the last time as an employee.

Twelve years ago I drove off campus with tears in my eyes because my time as an undergrad was ending and it was the end of a chapter in my life. Soon I’ll drive off campus with tears in my eyes because another chapter here is ending, and new adventure is beginning.

I know what lies ahead is incredible and I’m so blessed for this opportunity. That doesn’t make this move any easier. For the next few weeks I’m going to really be present in my work. To enjoy the mundane and everyday things, the conversations with co-workers, the lunch breaks, the laughs, the phone calls and the emails.

How Do I Meditate?

Meditation has become such a buzz word lately. So many people are talking about it and thankfully they are because that’s how I came to know meditation. I was listening to podcast after podcast that would talk about the value of meditation. Eventually I decided to give it a try.

I reached out to my friend who I know meditates and asked her where to start. She suggested an app called Calm so I tried it. It was good, but I had trouble staying consistent. There’s a calendar on the app and it keeps track of when you meditate and I could not get 3 days in a row. It just didn’t seem to be working for me.

I decided to forgo the app and try just googling meditations, unfortunately that didn’t work either. Eventually I just gave up and thought this isn’t something for me right now and I’ll try again another time.

That’s what I did. I went months without meditating, but I certainly thought about it a lot.

Then in the fall of 2017 my mind set started shifting and I started searching for more in life. I began a self-development journey that probably started a few years ago, but it seemed to go into overdrive suddenly. By January 2018 I was ready for a change in my life. I set a few goals, and one of those was to give meditation a try again.

This time it clicked! I don’t know where I found breathing meditation (but I sure wish I did so I could share it), but this quiet meditation focusing simply my breathing feels great.

Meditation quickly became a habit for me, and if I didn’t spend even a few minutes in quiet meditation my day felt off.

After a few months of meditation most mornings (mostly weekdays, I like to sleep in on the weekends) I started to see slow trickly affects in my life. Not only was I starting my day in this calm state of mind, but I was seeing more patience in myself. Patience especially with my kids.

Before meditation I couldn’t control my anger and I would fly off the handle at the smallest things. It would take me days to sometimes I realize what went wrong and apologize. I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I started meditation.

Here are the 3 things Meditation has given to me:

  1. To recognize my feelings and emotions, how they make me feel inside my body. For me I very much feel emotion in my gut. I get a tightness in my stomach (um…hello constipation due to stress) and I get butterflies when I’m nervous.
  2. Now once I feel my feelings, I can redirect them. I have to recognize them, figure out why I feel this way and then change directions. This isn’t me ignoring my feelings, it’s realizing they are there, saying a quick hello and then moving on. I use to just push my feelings away, but now I sit with them and I feel them. Meditation has taught me that this is ok and actually good for me.
  3. To have more patience and more calm in my life. This is especially apparent with my husband and my kids. They can push my buttons like no one else, but thanks to meditation and recognizing my feelings I know pretty much right away when I’ve gotten angry for no reason or yelled at them because I was stressed out. Meditation has helped me to look inward to see a reflection of myself. When I get angry it’s not about the kids, it’s about something I’m dealing with at the moment. I know one day I’ll get to the point where I can redirect my anger before it happens, but the fact that I can recognize it and apologize pretty much right away is a huge step for me.

Have you thought about meditation?

Have you tried meditation before?

If you never have or you have and like me didn’t really see much benefit, I highly recommend trying again. Maybe a different way to meditate would be helpful. There is no right or wrong way, it’s just the way that works for you. I imagine my meditation practice will change and evolve as I continue to grow and evolve.

These are some of my favorite breathing meditation:

5 Minute Breathing Meditation

Sympathetic Breathing Meditation

Counting Breaths Meditation

Energy Time Management

A friend and mentor/life coach was talking to her Facebook group about energy time management which is much different than just time management. While I can’t fully explain it, I am going to tell you about one small thing she suggested we do before completing a task (you know one of the 1 million floating in your head or the 20 you have written down in various note pads somewhere), because I put it into practice this morning for the first time and it was incredible.

Before you do anything ask yourself one question – Is this serving you right now?

When I heard her say it I was very intrigued, and just sort of kept it in the back of my mind. Finally today I actually put it into practice and within seconds I felt so confident in my decision, something that rarely happens.

My Story

It all happened very early in the morning. I woke up at my typical 5am time with a sink full of dishes, no lunches made for the kids or myself, a stuffy nose (thanks allergies) and to top it off I was bloated. This was also after a night where I was up at 2am with one kid and 3am with the dog. Not to mention that the dog has been having issues with needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I hope she’s ok, and I think she is, but man is it annoying!

After the alarm went off I begrudgingly shuffled my way into the bathroom, looked up at the mirror and just smiled at myself (most mornings I try to say out loud some positive affirmation, but I didn’t have it in me today). Then I proceeded with the rest of my morning routine (weekday morning anyway). I heated up my morning drink, and went to do a breathing meditation (where I almost fell asleep sitting up!).

Over the last 5 months meditation has become a habit for me and I know if I don’t do it immediately after waking up it doesn’t get done. I also don’t look at my phone in the morning anymore because I want to control the start of my day, not be controlled by my email or social media. While these are things I’ve worked to really hard to incorporate in my routine, it’s the time after I meditate that I’m struggling with now. I haven’t found something to really settle on, so I just wonder about and do those things that need to be done around the house.

What ends up happening is that I meditate than I panic and just try to do as much as I can before the kids are up. I choose the dishes, making lunches and doing paperwork over working out or doing other things that I want to do, or will serve me. Then by the time that other stuff is done everyone is up and our day is moving forward in lightning speed. I yet again have not done anything to serve me!

Today was no different and as I type this all those nagging tasks are literally piled around me. I’m sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of paperwork that needs to be taken care of, and lunches that need to be made, and dishes that need to be cleaned.

Yet, here I am writing this blog instead. Why is that?

Because after I meditated today I took my friend’s advice. As I was venturing into the kitchen to make lunches I thought “Is this going to serve me?”. Immediately the answer was no.

So I thought, “what is going to serve me?”. That answer was writing a blog.

I had no topic and no plan in place, but I set a goal to write one blog a week and it’s Friday and I still haven’t written one. This was one of the lingering tasks that I kept putting off because I thought “I’ll do it after the dishes, or after the paperwork”. But guess what, that after never comes and then my blog doesn’t happen and then in the back of my mind I’m disappointed in myself because I couldn’t do it all.

It felt so good to ask myself “Is this serving you?” and even better to answer “Yes”. Not only that, but it made me confident in my decision so I’m not second guessing myself by asking “should I have done something else instead?” or thinking “was that the best use of my time”.

My energy is much calmer, and yes that other stuff is still all around me and I’ll eventually get to it, but I took that one piece of advice and asked myself one simple question: “Is this serving me?”

You bet I’m going to continue to ask this question before I do my tasks now.

What You Can Do

Before begin your tasks today, before you tackle your to-do list, I’m going to suggest two things:

  1. Take a few minutes to meditate and just breathe, and
  2. ask yourself “Is this serving me?”

Thank you Erin Joyce for the inspiration and I look forward to learning more about energy time management!

Also, if you’d like to join Erin’s Facebook group where women come together to support and lift up each other, then click here. Erin posts daily with amazing videos and life lessons about her struggles with anxiety, self doubt and fear. As her tagline says “Surviving in a world full of comparison, fake eyelashes and Pinterest.”

Why I went to the movies alone on Mother’s Day

For about two weeks leading up to Mother’s Day all I wanted to do was go to the movie theater by myself and see A Wrinkle in Time. Why I couldn’t tell you, but there was something pulling me, telling me to go. I have never been to the movie theater by myself and I never read the book, A Wrinkle in Time, and I have no idea what it’s about but I wanted to see it. Maybe it’s because I’ve really been into Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast and she interviewed Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling, who starred in the movie with her. This was months ago, but it just stuck with me.

No matter the reason I finally got the guts to tell my husband what I wanted for Mother’s Day. Yes, it took guts to tell him because to me this request was a little odd and definitely out of character for me. Honestly when I told him the Saturday night before he of course said ok, he’s so understanding, but he did kind of laugh of me and I won’t lie I got a little offended which caused me to get defensive and mad at him for not being nicer about his response. A little petty, yes, but this was hard for me to ask and that wasn’t the response I was hoping for from him. Either way it was fine and I brushed it off because getting into a fight about his reaction to my Mother’s Day request was so not worth the aggravation.

Sunday comes around and we pile in the car to my parents for breakfast and it was lovely, we laughed, the kids played with their cousins and we heard all about my parent’s trip to Sedona and the basketball my 37 year old brother won out of the claw machine at their trip to the indoor water park and how other kids were asking him for tips to get stuff out of the machine and he refused to share with them (hahahahaha I love him!).

Oh, but I should share that before all this we had what my husband dubbed as the “Mother’s Day Massacre of 2018” in our own home. This happens every time we are in a hurry to go somewhere, the kids need something and my husband and I are trying to just simply get ourselves together, but stopping every 5 seconds because someone is hungry, someone pooped their pants (why won’t my 3 year old learn to use the potty), and it goes on and on. I’ll yadda yadda my way through this one like a good Seinfeld fan and just say that it ended with my 5 year old on the kitchen floor with his jacket thrown in his face and my 3 year screaming his head off while I put on his shoes. #momlife #happymothersday

So after that fiasco, apologizing from me for being too rough, but also requesting apologizes from the kids for not listening (I mean they are old enough to get their own coats and shoes for crying out loud!) we made it out the door.

I love going to my parents for breakfast because it means were home in the early afternoon and still have most of our Sunday to ourselves. For me this meant getting to the movie on time. I was super hesitant about going by myself and even caught myself trying to get out of it and without realizing I wanted until the last minute to leave. I knew I wanted to do it and I was going to but it was going to take me ignoring the doubts to do it. Sounds silly now, but at the time it was weird.

I do it, I show up the movie buy a single ticket, go in and get a large popcorn and a soda. I rarely drink soda, but this was a special occasion. Plus they have those cool touchscreens where you can get whatever you want, so cherry vanilla coke it was for me! I walked in wondering if I would run into anyone I know, but instead of looking around I went right for a seat without anyone in front of me so I could leisurely put my feet up and enjoy the show.

As soon as I sat down I realized I had done exactly as I was supposed to because I felt so relaxed, so comfortable and so excited to see a movie by myself without anyone else. Why haven’t I done this before? What was I so afraid of? It no longer mattered that my husband didn’t give me the response I was looking for or it be truthful, the reassurance I needed because I was doing something outside of my comfort zone (I understand now that that’s actually what I was doing.)

The movie was awesome and well Oprah’s voice is just amazing! Probably the reason I love her podcast, I mean besides all the awesome interviews she does too!

Mother’s Day 2018 was perfect! Even with the rocky start, it was perfect and you know what that’s because life isn’t perfect and neither are we. There were laughs with family, memories made and shared together, quiet moments at home, and stepping out of my comfort zone was easier than expected and very rewarding!!!

Mother’s Day isn’t always a day to celebrate.

For so many Mother’s Day is a joyful celebration. For me it’s a time to celebrate being so blessed to be a mom myself, to be grateful for the two little boys (and the fur baby of course) that are in my life. A reminder to be grateful that I’m so lucky to have my own mother and my mother-in-law in my life. In my short time as a mom I’ve really looked forward to Mother’s Day, but a few years ago that was not the case at all.

I was actually pregnant on my first Mother’s Day, but I refused to celebrate. I told my husband that I didn’t want any gifts, cards or even to say the words Happy Mother’s Day to me. Sounds ironic and slightly selfish considering many other people’s circumstances, but this is my story so I’m going to be real and tell you how I felt at the time.

Earlier that year I had a miscarriage and it was devastating to say the least. Luckily after the miscarriage we got pregnant fairly quickly and on that day in May we were still too early to tell people and being pregnant after a miscarriage is scary. It’s filled with worry and doubt that it will happen again so it’s hard to celebrate.

I watched on social media as my friends and family shouted out to their mom’s and showed pictures of their babies, while I sat with my own inner turmoil that I still might not be able to celebrate Mother’s Day the following year, and slightly angry that I couldn’t even celebrate the baby I had growing inside me because of my own fear.

So for others though, this day is a sad one. A one filled with only memories of their mom that has passed away, or of children that they have lost. For some it’s the yearning for the child they want so badly. While we celebrate and rejoice, they retreat and hide away.

For those not celebrating Mother’s Day for whatever reason please know you are in my prayers today and always! For those celebrating please take a moment to think of those who wished they were celebrating, or wished their own mom was there to celebrate with, or like me, they are too scared to celebrate.

I love you and I thank you for taking the time to read my story.