Yes, I quit my job, but I did not quit my job to be home with my kids.
When I decided to leave my full-time job and enter the world of entrepreneurship I knew that my kids would still continue to be in daycare over the summer. I was not quitting my job so that I could be with them 24/7. Does this mean I don’t love them? Absolutely not! It’s means I know myself well enough to recognize that to be a better parent I need my village.
Ever since my oldest was 10 weeks old he was in daycare. Yes, I cried my eyes out leaving him, but it was more about the fact that I didn’t want to return to the job I had than having someone else take care of him. I worked an hour away from home which mean I was leaving at 6:30am and coming home at 6:30pm. Squeezing in just an hour here and there of time with him wasn’t good for me, and then he was up all night so I would be resentful when I was exhausted the next day driving to work. It was terrible and I was miserable!
I did end up leaving that job to work closer to home and only 3 days a week. It was exactly what I was looking for at the time. I wanted to continue working, to stay relevant in my field and also be home just a little bit more. To alleviate the stress of driving to work every day and the stress of work itself. I took a lower position, but that’s what I was looking for at the time.
For an entire year I got to be home with him, and it wasn’t until he was 18 months old that I opted to return to work. An opportunity was presented to me and with a lot of thought I decided to accept the position. I said it multiple times and still do that if it were any other position in the office I wouldn’t have taken it. If I was going to work full-time it was going to be something I enjoyed, not something I dreaded.
So for 4 years I worked full-time, and in those 4 years had another son. Now I was a working mom with two young boys at home. I loved having this position, I loved having work to go to everyday, and serving a purpose in my life. Yes paying daycare was tough some months, and work would take me away on road trips here and there, but I still loved it. I love being the working mom.
That was until the work I was doing stopped serving me and no longer fulfilled me. I began to find myself resentful to be at work. I dreaded going to the office, my youngest started clinging to me at daycare and I caved to lingering a few extra minutes to make sure he was comfortable because I too was avoiding going to the office. I started looking for ways to get out of working late because I wanted to be home.
My priorities were shifting and I was once again searching for purpose. I still didn’t have the desire to stay home full-time, but I started missing t-ball games and kung fu practices. As a mom, I wanted to be present at these events, I no longer wanted to be the mom traveling everywhere and showing up to practices in my high heels because I was running late from a meeting.
When I graduated college I knew whatever job I did I had to love the work, I had to serve a purpose. Over the years I have clung to that and even though my resume looks like I can’t hold a job for more than 5 years, it’s because I’m constantly on the search for what will fulfill me in life.
A few years I started to work to build a side hustle, then network marketing, then search for a new full-time job, all without success. Then finally entrepreneurship entered my world. My time had come to leave work and take a huge leap of faith (you can read more about that in this blog post).
Still I did not quit my job and enter entrepreneurship to be home with my kids full-time. This summer they were in daycare 2 days a week because I needed time to work. My youngest started pre-school this year and even though I know people may judge me for this decision, I choose to have him in school 5 full days a week. I need my time to work.
For me work is important, it provides me with a sense of purpose. I love being a mother, and I would give my life for my boys. In order to be the best mom I can be they need to be out of the house in school and I need to work to fulfill my needs, to fill my cup.
This is how I choose to live my life and how I choose to raise my children. The teachers and friends they have met over the years through daycare and school are an extension of my village and why do it alone and strung out when I have a village of people willing to help me.